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~ TeeTalk Newsletter ~ |
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Manure... A True StoryManure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T." (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always thought it was a golf term. |
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Four very old retired gentlemen came into the Club pro shop after playing
18 holes of golf. They were a bit
exhausted.
The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old feller said, "Oh, I had three riders today."
The second bent over guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."
The third old man said, "I did about the same. I had 7 riders, the
same as last time."
The last ancient sport said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders
today. Aren't you fellers proud of me?"
After they went into the men's locker room, an elderly lady club member
that had heard the old gents telling
of their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf
here for 40 years and thought I knew all
the terminology of the game..... But what in the world is a
rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get
in the golf cart and ride to it."
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In 1923, Who Was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.
Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us if we know what ultimately became of them.
The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.
However: in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament,
The US Open, was Gene Sarazen. What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the
age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.
The Moral:
Screw work. ~ Play golf.
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A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15
years of marriage. The
counselor asks them what the problem is and the
wife goes into a tirade
listing every problem they have ever had in the
15 years they've been
married. She goes on and on and on.
Finally, the counselor gets up, walks around the
desk, embraces the wife
and kisses her passionately.
The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says, "This is what your wife
needs at least three times a week. Can you do
this?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies,
"Well, I can drop her off
here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays,
I golf."
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The
man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in a real hurry.! I have two buddies
sitting out in my
car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull
the tooth and be done with it. We have a
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave
man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the
pain." So the dentist ask him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show
him."
10...A
below par performance
is considered damn good.
#9...You
can stop in the middle
and have a cheeseburger
and a couple of beers.
#8...It's
much easier to
find the sweet spot.
#7...Foursomes
are encouraged.
#6...You
can still make money
doing it as a senior.
#5...Three
times a day is possible.
#4...Your
partner doesn't hire
a lawyer if you play
with someone else.
#3...If
you live in Florida, you
can do it almost everyday.
#2...You
don't have to cuddle
with your partner when
you're finished.
And
the number one reason why
golf is better than sex.....
#1...If
your equipment gets old
and rusty, you can replace it!
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To celebrate 50 years of marriage, a
couple booked a weekend at St. Andrews.
On the third tee, the husband said,
"Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief
affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can forgive me."
His wife was hurt but said,
"Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable.
I forgive you."
They embraced and kissed.
On the seventeenth tee the wife said to
her husband, "Darling, since we're being honest with each other, I have
something to tell you. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation, I was a
man before we met."
The husband threw a fit! He cursed, threw his driver away, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted, "You liar, you despicable cheat--how could you? I trusted you. I can't believe you've been playing off from the ladies' tee ALL THESE YEARS!
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